Soccer, the Un-American Game!
I have felt for some time, actually, ever since I saw my first Soccer match, on TV, back in the late 60’s, that Soccer is an inherently un-American game.
Now before you go off on me, consider a few things:
Americans have been raised, and have taken pride, in individualism. At least, that held true through my generation and the generation now in their thirties and forties.
Soccer does not celebrate individualism. They keep “sharing” that ball. Nobody keeps the ball for more than a few seconds and it is kicked on to somebody else. See? That is un-American. We Americans want to grab the ball and hold onto it and carry it across the goal line while the remainder of the team makes every effort to see that the individual with the ball is successful. Ain’t that way in Soccer!
Soccer is a “collectivist” game. Now make the word association with “collectivism” and you have… “socialism”, right?! Yep!
No wonder the game is shunned by my generation… and those just behind me.
It is also no wonder that the children of today are playing soccer in droves. Those "Temples of Liberalism", we laughingly call “Public Schools” have been brainwashing individualism out of them for the past 50 years now! And they have had a great deal of success at it. So, the kids who are products of the Public School System are much more susceptible to the suggestion that they are unable to do anything on their own and must rely on the group to get the job done.
There! You have Soccer!
But, drive down the street, a short distance, to a vacant lot, or a neighborhood playground, and you won’t see soccer being played. You’ll see traditional sports such as basketball, baseball and football. Ah, makes me ole heart burst with pride!
Now add to the mix the absolute fact that Soccer is BORRRRRING! And you have another un-American quality!
And another thing… Americans want to use their hands. We are an industrious people. We use our hands to build and to tear down. One of the most frightening ideas to Americans is expressed very well, indeed, in the old axiom, “To have or hands tied”… meaning, of course, to not be able to DO anything! In Soccer... players are not allowed to use their hands! OUCH! Americans can’t abide that!
A cabbie is reported to have answered a reporter’s question about his dislike of soccer by saying that “Soccer is a game for guys in short pants, communists, too slow, and too boring!” Indeed!
Soccer has been referred to as “the Over There” sport. Meaning it is played in Europe, Asia, Africa, and South America, you know… “over there”.
Ice Hockey is referred to as an “Up There” sport. Meaning they play Ice Hockey in Canada, you know… “Up there”.
Now, admittedly we do have a rather good Hockey team here in North Carolina, “The Hurricanes”. They are stationed in Raleigh. But, all the rest of us Tar Heels, know that Raleigh, and its environs, are filled with "Yankees" from… you know… up there”. Leave Raleigh... and you leave Hockey…. even in a state with one of the best teams in the country!
Back to soccer. Did you know that 55% of all soccer games end in ties? Neither did I… until I read it over at www.soccersucks.net
Americans don’t believe in games ending in ties! Hell, there ought to be a winner! Period!
Soccer is not Objective! Also from www.soccersucks.net :
“Soccer is not objective. There is no play clock. The game doesn't end after the clock has run down. This adds bias, subjectivism and appeals to lower intellects, and it destroys the drama from last second victories. Contrast such clumsy timekeeping (shame on the Swiss, who should know better) and the lack of any discernable strategy with the strategic precision of the two-minute drill in football.
The lack of offensive chances leads to ties, which, as we know, suck. Soccer's "solution?" Let's randomize the result (in those cases where a tie suddenly becomes an affront, the "World" Cup) by having penalty kicks.”
Did you follow that?
And how about the "hooliganism" associated with soccer? Never a year goes by that we don’t see reports of “soccer hooligans” rioting at some soccer game somewhere in the world. Seems to me that "hooliganism" is fueled by the sheer frustration of watching a soccer game for hours and nobody wins! When I look at it that way, I begin to understand the riots, and killings, associated with soccer games worldwide!
To sum up, I think eventually soccer will catch hold in the US. About the time we colonize Mars.
Yes, Soccer is truly the “Game of the FUTURE” in America. And it always will be!
Longstreet
20 comments:
You know, in basketball they pass the ball back and forth to one another if they get blocked. The only difference is they use their hands instead of their feet.
The hooliganism is the only mildly interesting part of the game. It's infinitely more exciting to watch than the "play" on the field.
"Can I get a "hell yeah" for real American football?"
************************
Glad to oblige: "Hell Yeah!" for American football!
Felt GOOD!!!
Soccer may appear to be collectivist on the field, while football parallels a dictatorship, but off the field, soccer is global and has thrived in open markets while American football is protected from competition by Congress and the league itself is run in a very centrally-planned, socialist, collectivist style. So how do you answer that? Are we Americans ok with a socialist model for our purportedly, individualist sporting leagues as long as the veneer of military-style hierarchical governance exists on the field? And on another note, what would our beloved American football do without a scoring system akin to the Chinese monetary system that gives 7 points for one crossing of the goal line. Perhaps soccer would be more appealing to your readers is FIFA arbitrarily changed the scoring system so petulant Americans could have satisfaction of a game of 21-7 (which equals a three to one game)?
Aw, common, anonymous, you want a "Super Soccer Sunday" in America! Ain't gonna happen.
It is, without doubt, the most boring of all organized games!
Erm maybe don't watch it then, let the billions of the rest of us enjoy the only game, the BEAUTIFUL GAME!
Anybody who says soccer is boring has obviously never seen cricket. But even cricket is not the most boring game on earth. That title goes, and by quite some margin too, to baseball.
"Erm maybe don't watch it then, let the billions of the rest of us enjoy the only game, the BEAUTIFUL GAME!"
******************
Believe me when I tell you... I DO NOT watch soccer! I'd rather watch paint dry, or cars rust, or grass grow... or.....
This text was stupid even for an American
"Anonymous said...
This text was stupid even for an American."
*****************
Sir/Madam: Anytime you, and your countrymen, care to stop "holding America’s coat" while we take care of your problems... at the cost of our blood and treasure, then sir, I will happily grant you the respect you mistakenly SEEM to think you have earned!
Best regards!
Longstreet
I have to laugh at you idiot American. Some things I laughed at particularly was the random "stat" that referred to 55% of games being ties, hm okay, I guess you've counted up all results all over the world and divided them etc to get the average? fool.
Also, I would of thought that you lot would have appreciated hooliganism as part of a sport, due to America seemingly jumping at the chance to get involved in a war and end people's lives *cough* Vietnam *cough*
Also, football is 90 minutes long, not "hours", although it can seem like that to you lot I know due to you only playing sports which require a break every 15 minutes.
Have you even watched a game of football before ever? Obviously not. LOL at there being no "play clock". LOL at there being bias through penalty shoot-outs. LOL at you taking anything seriously from a site called "soccersucks". Wait a minute, I'm going to research Hitler from a neo-Nazi site which should give me some accurate historical facts.
"Over there" sport, hm, maybe you're just too fat and lazy to run "over there" in this sport so you just dismiss it. Baseball, Basketball and Polo or whatever you fools play requires much less movement than football.
Are Britain communists? Are Italy Communists? Are France communists? Are Germany Communists? Are USA communists? Are Sweden Communists? Are Japan communists? Are Brazil communists? Are Argentina communists? No? so lol @ the ignorance that "only communist play football".
Too slow? about 95% of the game is about movement, but be careful, its something you lot aren't used to. So don't hurt a nail while playing if you ever try it out.
Too boring? From a country with Baseball? LOL
Also, unable to do anything together? From a person who has Mr Bush as president?
Also, I'm sure it doesn't take a genius to know what Americans use their hands for..
Everyone has their opinions on sport. Deal with it, cope with it and accept it. Don't go bitching on the internet you nerd.
Want to tell me how I'm bitching by saying it on his blog page? Hardly behind his back, so hardly bitching.
And as for the opinions, they are there to be challenged. Yeah I know I went over the top in my post and I think it was silly looking back, but what's the point of posting opinions if you aren't gonna discuss them? I do accept it, I don't see how anyone cannot accept that everyone has an opinion. Why not discuss them though? Isn't that the point of a blog?
Anyone who calls a particular sport boring then tries to state that as fact rather then opinion is clearly never going to be taken seriously. I feel sorry for the person who wrote this article.
I sincerely hope that this is a joke post on a joke blog.
If not, I'm quite stunned that most of this misguided parochial waffle about association football (let's get rid of this hateful soccer word) being boring seems to have been about WATCHING it.
What about playing it? Or is getting up off the couch too much to ask?
I appreciate several sports but football is what I watch and play, and I don't understand the rancour and bile that some American's have for the beautiful game. There, I said it. Beautiful. Elegant.
People bitch and moan about 0-0 ties but I've seen and played in some absolutely rivetting 0-0 draws. They may be inconvenient in tournaments, but crucial in leagues. And there is a point being missed - since when is sport all about the score? It's the journey! It's the thrill of competition.
Football is a metaphor for life. Howso? We always achieve more as a team. Sometimes you score goals, sometimes the other guys score more. It has moments of great elegance, verve, courage, will, frustration, joy and disappointment. Everyone has a specific role and skillset. It's simple to learn yet complicated to master. You don't need padding, helmets and rather camp lycra cut-offs to play, just a ball and a few jumpers for goalposts (therein lies the elegance). And the more you see (and, heaven forbid, play!) the more subtelty in tactics and strategy you encounter.
Football is:
Global.
Inclusive.
Of the people, by the people, for the people.
Multilateral.
Any of these words mean anything to anybody?
Unamerican? As somebody said, Hell yeah! Long may it remain so.
Buzby-Claret.
Nice attempt mate, but whatever slant you put on it football (what you call soccer) is the most popular sport in the world by a big, big margin and that includes most of the Western world as well, so they’re not all commies and peaceniks!
Open your mind a bit mate – you might actually see the beauty of football that seems to escape you at the moment!
An article of comic mastery!
I agree that there are many matches which offer limited appeal to the unaffiliated casual observer and more which fail the test of competitive merit, but it also offers a test of ability to judge the prospects for spectatorship which raises soccer above simple entertainment products to an interesting educational tool.
Soccer has a heritage in good ole USA longer than gridiron, so it's hardly unamerican, but I guess we each have our own definition of what that means (and the moral right/obligation to disagree with McCarthy).
As for the politics, you might have had a point if you said soccer is the sport of the 'common' man/woman, largely due to the simplicity of the object and minimal equipment required, which explains why it is the largest participation team sport on the face of the planet. But there's no accountability where selectivity is concerned.
What you ignore is that political thoughts are overlaid onto the game by the ambitions of fanatics who wish to propagate their own pet agenda, for which you also fall into the trap of doing.
Soccer is simply above political interpretation, it is merely a reflection of the culture it exists within. So, whatever critical appraisal you wish to make, it is more profoundly indicative of human life in all its richness and variety than you might have at first realised.
So should you wish to ascribe any philosophy to association football you could do worse than look back at the people who originated the regulatory framework, I believe, who would call themselves 'corinthian' in spirit, and therefore can be placed within the traditional school of stoicism, placing an emphasis on demotic anti-absolutism.
Now, there is something about that which is universal, and has eternally enduring appeal.
Its not bitching, this man is just clearly wrong. It is just the ramblings of someone who has no contact with the rest of world, at all. I would suggest he goes to Rio or to Milan or to Baghdad or to Bangkok and see how popular 'soccer' is there. Is he really claiming that American Football isn't a team sport? Or Basketball for that matter? His article is somthing you would expect from a child, illiterate and ill conceived.
This is clearly satire.
Worst blog entry ever.
Post a Comment