I did not write the following. The author is unknown. I received it by e-mail and thought it said, so well, what so many of us are thinking, that I'd pass it along here on IoF.
Enjoy!
Longstreet
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WOULDN'T IT BE GREAT TO TURN ON THE TV AND HEAR ANY U.S. PRESIDENT, DEMOCRAT OR REPUBLICAN, GIVE THE FOLLOWING SPEECH? Amen!
My Fellow Americans: As you all know, the defeat of Iraq regime has been completed.
Since congress does not want to spend any more money on this war, our mission in Iraq is complete.
This morning I gave the order for a complete removal of all American forces from Iraq This action will be complete within 30 days. It is now time to begin the reckoning.
Before me, I have two lists. One list contains the names of countries which have stood by our side during the Iraq conflict. This list is short. The United Kingdom , Spain , Bulgaria , Australia , and Poland are some of the countries listed there.
The other list contains everyone not on the first list. Most of the world's nations are on that list. My press secretary will be distributing copies of both lists later this evening.
Let me start by saying that effective immediately, foreign aid to those nations on List 2 ceases immediately and indefinitely. The money saved during the first year alone will pretty much pay for the costs of the Iraqi war.
The American people are no longer going to pour money into third world Hell-holes and watch those government leaders grow fat on corruption.
Need help with a famine? Wrestling with an epidemic? Call France .
In the future, together with Congress, I will work to redirect this money toward solving the vexing social problems we still have at home. On that note, a word to terrorist organizations. Screw with us and we will hunt you down and eliminate you and all your friends from the face of the earth.
Thirsting for a gutsy country to terrorize? Try France , or maybe China .
I am ordering the immediate severing of diplomatic relations with France , Germany , and Russia . Thanks for all your help, comrades. We are retiring from NATO as well. Bon chance, mes amis.
I have instructed the Mayor of New York City to begin towing the many UN diplomatic vehicles located in Manhattan with more than two unpaid parking tickets to sites where those vehicles will be stripped, shredded and crushed. I don't care about whatever treaty pertains to this. You creeps have tens of thousands of unpaid tickets. Pay those tickets tomorrow or watch your precious Benzes, Beamers and limos be turned over to some of the finest chop shops in the world. I love New York.
A special note to our neighbors. Canada is on List 2. Since we are likely to be seeing a lot more of each other, you folks might want to try "not pissing us off" for a change.
Mexico is also on List 2. President Fox and his entire corrupt government really need an attitude adjustment. I will have a couple extra tank and infantry divisions sitting around. Guess where I am going to put em? Yep, border security. So start doing something with your oil.
Oh, by the way, the United States is abrogating the NAFTA treaty - starting now.
We are tired of the one-way highway. Immediately, we'll be drilling for oil in Alaska - which will take care of this country's oil needs for decades to come. If you're an environmentalist who opposes this decision, I refer you to List 2 above: pick a country and move there. They care.
It is time for America to focus on its own welfare and its own citizens. Some will accuse us of isolationism. I answer them by saying, "darn tootin." Nearly a century of trying to help folks live a decent life around the world has only earned us the undying enmity of just about everyone on the planet. It is time to eliminate hunger in America . It is time to eliminate homelessness in America . It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America .
To the nations on List 1, a final thought. Thanks guys. We owe you and we won't forget.
To the nations on List 2, a final thought: You might want to learn to speak Arabic.
God bless America .
Thank you and good night.
(If you can read this, thank a teacher. If you are reading it in English, thank a soldier.)
3 comments:
Excellent. Your usual high standards.
I though Canada was on list 1. I remember seeing them in Afghanistan and I made the usual mistake of saying, “so where in the US are you from?†and then being replied to in a rather abrupt and discourteous manner.
You also forgot to mention the most anti-US country in Europe – the Republic of Ireland.
“That this Ard Fheis deplores the ongoing use of Shannon and Baldonnel airports as well as Irish airspace by US warplanes, in some cases containing political detainees en route to destinations such as Egypt and Pakistan where they are subject to torture. In granting these facilities the 26-County Administration is collaborating in the illegal Anglo/US occupation of Iraq and the promotion of George Bush’s Pax Americana.†RSF political conference Nov 05.
I guess that this is their way of saying thank you for all the funds the citizens of Boston send over.
I don’t agree with every point - “It is time to eliminate World Cup Soccer from America.†It’s called football and it is the most popular sport.
regards
Wha Wadna Fecht for Charlie
dont jump to any conclusions in regard to Canada,dont forget 50 canadians died on sept11 and 250 commercial airliners from the u.s. landed safely and at no charge on that day.Several thousand americans were able to reach home safely on our ticket. condi spent last sept 11 in canada because of it. just so your dozy mind knows the nation of Canada provides the u.s with more energy,oil, natural gas, coal and electricity than all other countries combined. the trade between Canada and the u.s. is 1.1 billion dollars a day THATS EVERY SINGLE DAY providing up 25 million direct jobs in your country.So buddy DONT PISS US OFF
You Canucks might want to try dropping your "holier than thou" attitude, occassionally, just as a
friendly gesture for the US providing a blanket of security for you.
The US does the dirty work, and provides your country with a military shield so you could, and can, become, and be, the great nation that you have become.
However, we tire of your self righteous finger pointing and criticism toward us. It is difficult to abide with the knowledge that your country exists only at the pleasure of OUR country.
No, you will not hear this from our polticians and our diplomats. But there is a smoldering distaste, among Americans, for your country's attitude toward your southern neighbor.
If that pisses you off, then so be it. Oh, in future, please refrain from referring to me as "Buddy".
Good day to you, sir!
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